The Fear Factor

It's amazing how fear can factor into the actions of everyday life. And even more amazing is what will appear in fear's wake, if one has the calm presence of mind to let the fear dissipate and peace washes over us. Natural as a tide retreating from the shore, the future is a smooth clear path of wet untouched sand ahead of us. If we look closely enough, one can see hidden treasures submerged in the cool wet muck. On the beach it might be a shell with opalescent resilience never before discovered. In the soul, the treasure unearthed may be the answer, the panacea, the "ah ha" moment as it were. The fear is now seen as the necessary rain before the blooming of the flower. The fear is the spark before the fire. The thing that has washed away with the tide is our former self. And we stand at a new beginning like Venus naked and rising from the ocean's floor stepping onto the land for the very first time.

This analogy brings me to where I find myself today. Standing in the calm wet sand with the receding tide behind me and the rising sun just beyond the hills in front of me my life seems like unchartered land.

I've been thinking about writing this book for a couple of decades. It first came to mind about 20 years ago when I decided I wanted to introduce my Mother to the world. I wanted to share her wisdom, her strengths, and her love with those unfortunate souls who didn't have the pleasure and honor to know her in person. Back in 1990 ~ All is right with my world. Once again my Mother has just taught me another pair of life's valuable lessons. Independence is good as long as one is not afraid to ask for help when it's needed. We know our own strength best when we realize that we are stronger with the support of those who love us.

I'll take you back with me two decades to the point where I learned these lessons in a wee bit, but just now I must take a tangent train of thought to its conclusion. I am going to tell you about the most amazing expression of loving support, I've ever experienced.

It was 4:20 am and the fall switch to day light savings just passed three days ago, so our house starts to awaken as if it's already 5:30 which is the usual start to our day. Today is unique because Irene, my Mother-in-law is staying with us. We moved her in this past weekend, and she will be with us until she is safely tucked into her new life of full-time assisted living.This new life will begin hopefully in about three weeks.

On this morning, the early bird in our nest is Irene, who awakes in our guest bed and then comes to our bedroom door to see if we are up yet. I pop out of bed and lead her to the bathroom asking, "Do you need to use the toilet? Let me show you where it is." I escort her down the hall and lift the lid on the seat. Then I tell her I'll be right here if she needs any help. She smiles up at me with the joy of a 4-year old child who's happy to be greeted with love, security and the kindness only a Mother can provide for the child of her bosom at 4:20 in the morning. You see, Irene is 77, and I'm 48. I am the Mother and she is the daughter. Our universe has altered dramatically. Irene has Alzheimer's. In the universe of ALZ everything has shifted. Much like the horizon shifts when looked at through a piece of glass washed up on the shore.

We flush the toilet and wash her hands. I guide her back to bed because the sun is not yet up. Perhaps if we are lucky, she will go back to sleep for another hour or two. I fold down the blanket and ask her to crawl back in, reassuring her that I'm coming right behind her. As it's time for an early morning cuddle. Mother started each of my days when I was a wee girl with a joint cuddle under the covers of my bed.

One Life Ends as Another Begins

Why do we love babies so much? I think it is because their lives are just beginning and their spirits are filled with hope, possibility and the promise of a great life yet to be fulfilled.

Why do we fear death? The unknown to most is terrifying.

However there are those for whom death is a jumping off point, a beginning and a new adventure. This was the case for my dear friend Nancy Jo Hoy, PhD who passed from this life on to her next adventure on March 25, 2010 at about 5am at the age of 73.

To me Jody was many things; a friend, a mentor, a gypsy, a surrogate mother, a fellow feminist~ environmentalist~ pacifist and a guru. Now she is another angel watching over me.

I chose the clip from the trailer for the movie above to commemorate this post because Jody loved to photograph babies. This was a passion that began with the photos she took of her only son Joshua. I think she would have enjoyed seeing this movie.

I also chose the subject of babies because Jody would want us all to embrace life at the moment of her death, and to me there is no better symbol of life than a beautiful baby.